Dealing With Social Anxiety Online

Hello! I have kinda bad social anxiety (I don’t know if that’s the right word since this is an online setting), and it makes me really nervous to fail or break decorum on forums like this and Discord.
Often times it is overcomable, but sometimes it makes posting on forums, or saying anything in discord a terrifying affair as I worry whether what I say will sound stupid or newbish, or will simply make people dislike me.

How have all you others worriers found ways to cope with this?
I’m also part of a guild, and they have active voice chats you can join. I join those sometimes, but usually end up just being silent and listening as I’m scared of sounding inexperienced or foolish. What are some ways y’all know to be more active in voice chats?
(Same thing for professors actually. Every time I need to email a professor I get almost frozen into inaction by anxiety, because I’m unsure how to talk to the professor in emails and what kinds of emails to them are acceptable. To be fair I’ve only ever gotten positive responses from professors through emails, but any advice about the student-professor relationship online would be helpful, especially considering COVID)

Note: I have social anxiety irl too, but it intensifies when I’m online because people are faceless, and posting stuff feels like wading into a minefield sometimes due to not being able to “read the room” as you can do in real life.

 

It’s okay, I get anxiety too sometimes and though I’m not the best at giving advice, I’d say maybe start small. Try regularly talking and making friends with 1-2 people online at a time, and honestly just let them know you have anxiety on this level.

 

I think a lot of people, irl and online, struggle with what you've said. Personally, I can relate to all of the points above and then some. One thing I've noticed from speaking to people through chats (in-game or on forums) is that you don't have to be some kind of expert on fitting into the crowd. A huge hurdle for myself is often worrying about others taking offense from my tone or short replies. Most of the time that's just what it is; the anxiety painting up a bad outcome before anything's even happened. Especially here on these forums, people are very accepting and welcoming (in my experience) and you have to actually consciously put in effort to offend someone.

When it comes to voice chats, I can't offer too much advice (terribly, awfully, woefully sorry). Most of the time it's down to what context you feel comfortable in probably. An example would be how much teaching has moved on to digital platforms (courtesy of COVID, as you mentioned). Myself, I feel much more comfortable in those smaller groups in which I'm familiar with the other people. Speaking to people on Discord, however, has never been my forte. In fact, you'd probably not hear me say more than a hi and then see my mic turn muted. Frankly, I just don't know how people do it. Just thought you might want to know that you're not the only one struggling with this.

All in all, I just think it's up to each and everyone to discover how they like to socialize. Sometimes it'll be like ripping off a band-aid when posting, but that's okay. If it accidentally offends someone and they tell you, you can always say 'sorry, that didn't come out the way I intended it to'. We learn by doing, at least that's what I try to tell myself when I need a confidence-boost.
Hope this was somewhat useful to you! :)

 

Honestly it is very reassuring knowing others share this difficulty, thank you both for the advice.

 

I say stuff that sounds stupid. It's pretty easy. If some is gonna judge me, they'll probably do that whether or not I say some dumb stuff. As long as most of the stuff I say isn't, I think I'm winning.

 

In my case, I've already been challenged by some extremities, so there is no worse place for me if I were to fail at fitting in (which, by the way, happens a lot). I've grown numb to failing, because it happens so often in my life. So in voice chats or just on any messaging platform, my advice is to ask as many questions as you want. If you don't want to sound inexperienced or foolish, you can elevate your knowledge to the point where you don't have that uncertainty as soon as possible.

Assuming proper grammar, it is possible to talk to any teacher in a casual tone, as if they were a family member that you don't have anything against (in my experience). It might be a stretch to say this, but even the crankiest and mean teachers can be communicated with in this way.

There is no way to ensure people will perceive you the way you want at the very beginning. But if you take the first shot (forgive the violent metaphor) and say something amicable or in a lighthearted tone, you can at least show them you aren't negative / hostile. This will carry on to any future conversation you have with them.

 

I don't have social anxiety, but I do have autism, and I've gotten group training to help me with it. One of the things we learned was how to start a conversation. What you can do is simply say "hey, how are you (all) doing?" which probably sounds obvious, but what you realise when you decide to just randomly use that phrase is how little people actually care about what you think might be an awkward introduction. Conversation is just like ping-pong: all you really have to do is hit the ball once, and then you can keep going by responding to what the other person says. Once you see and know that the other person doesn't judge you -- and they rarely ever do -- the conversation becomes much easier.

Another thing I have learned from a friend of mine. My best friend, in fact. He taught me: fuck other people. It is the truth that most people won't judge you, but even if they do, just... fuck 'em. My friend would sometimes walk into the classroom, point at the teacher, shout something in Latvian and sit down in his chair without a care in the world because who cares? The opinions of other people about you do not matter one bit, so don’t let your social anxiety tell you otherwise.

I don’t know if any of what I wrote helps, but I hope it does.

 

I don't have social anxiety now, but I had it 2 years ago (I share your pain, it's awful).

If you payed me an emerald every time I've said something stupid, done something stupid, or just been stupid, I could buy Llevigar.
But if you payed me a liquid emerald every time someone has judged me, I couldn't buy a Ragni Teleport Scroll.

And even the people who do judge are best ignored. Most forums and sites like discord have tons of blocking, muting, and whatnot features that really help.

 

I have social disorder and what I can advice you, just try. Yes, you might sound stupid, but with every mistake you can learn. If you fear joining VC but still want to join, find groups with 1-3 people. You don't have to talk, reply only when you want to. There is no shame in being silent or writing in normal chat instead of speaking.

And if somebody laughs at you or tries to convince you to speak, ignore them

 

I'm ok with posting on discord, forums etc. But VCS with people who are older than me i never unmute

 

Hey everyone, thanks for the responses, they were very helpful.

I think I'ma just try to take myself less seriously, and try to just do the best I can. (And if I am an ignorant in some way, I guess the only way to fix that is to actually get out of my shell)

Also, I think it's cool how everyone kind of collectively came to the conclusion that success is just a compilation of failure.

 

I'm deaf-mute (as in, I am unable to hear, and I speak very little), and essentially live my life on the internet; I've done the majority of my school online, have plenty of online friends, and partake in multiple discussion boards and forums. I still constantly am terrified of what I am saying, reword messages countless times, and generally am a complete wreck when it comes to conversation. Speaking in any forum is difficult, and takes guts, tbh... This is even moreso (to a degree) the case on the internet; while it's often anonymous, and easy to hide behind, you are subject constantly to the opinions of many strangers. Ultimately, though, it doesn't matter what they say, there are billions of people on the internet, it's not much different for there to be one person you dislike.

 

I get you, I have it too.

I just tank through the tough, and eventually some social situations become very lighthearted through practice.

I think you have quite a bit of experience with tanking, so you should be just fine ;D

 

I can’t tell if I’m supposed to be comforted by this, or reminded of my insignificance.

 

i don't really know, my brain said post it, i said why, and he said just do it

 

Honestly, I completely understand that.

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And, oh god, I just got the pun. Starx, you spineless lunartic, that's atrocious.

 

You’re pretty sly yourself ;)