Survive!

It jumps out of your hands.

I push you into the fast moving river

 

I wave it goodbye as it changes direction flowing violently on the ground towards you. Apparently I'm still a meteorologist, a good one at that.

 

I have a very good house with a giant flood wall around it.

My house stronghold also has artillery defenses. I use them on you.

 

You miss.

The ground beneath said stronghold collaspes

 

i double jump to safety and shove you into the collapsing stronghold

 

Before you even do that I rush you with a sword

Impaling you off a cliff

 

before you do that i impale you with a javalin that i throw

 

But my momentum still carries through my thrust, impaling you. You bleed out. I don't.

 

but i dont bleed

and i stab you again

 

I teleport away.

The teleport damage kills you

 

Your teleport is interrupted while you cast it.

Then I cut your throat with a knife.

 

I chug 3 bags of chewing gum and use them to stop the bleeding.

I pepper holes in you using peppermints.

 

I can block them all with my old man skills with my trusty candy cane.

I shoot missile toes at youu

 

The missile toes stub themselves. They adjust their aim to hit you for directing them so incorrectly.

The missile toes are flying towards you, now crying eardrum-shattering shrieks after the pain you've put them through.

 

but I don't have ears

I hit them back in your direction with a puppy

 

I make them rebound using a palm leaf.

 

The Palm Leaf is a highly advanced nuclear device that exploded when you touched it.

 

but I paused time and run away and put you in my place

 

But you never restarted it. :/ Sadly- you don't know how. So While I don't change at all due to the time stop on me- you slowly age and wither away...

 

I reincarnate into a dolphin

Years later, I find you on a boat, fishing. Me and my dolphin friends ram your boat. You fall off and drown.