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Lore/Story ♛ Beyond Legend ♛ (book)

Discussion in 'Your Work' started by Wynnooblet, Dec 22, 2017.

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Enjoying the Story?

  1. Yes! Can't wait to read more!

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  2. Could use some work...

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  3. No. I am not enjoying it.

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  1. Wynnooblet

    Wynnooblet Slayer of Useless Threads VIP+

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    This storyline is loosely based on my REAL player encounters that I have had during my time in Wynn. It demonstrates how exciting a game like Wynncraft can be with other people and and a good storyline. I hope you enjoy it.

    “Rowan…”


    “Rowan… wake up…”


    “ROWAN!”


    Rowan was awake. He sat up in the hay pile, carefully plucking the strands of itchy straw out of his tunic. In the corner of his eye, orange sunlight glimmered through the small crevices in the wooden walls of the old barn. Below, he heard the chatter of chickens and cows as they too were rising from their slumber, and outside there was the symphonic tune of birdsong.


    “Well, good morning to you Rowan. I hope you enjoyed your beauty rest,” laughed Jarin.


    “And to you as well miss,” Rowan chuckled back.


    “You sleep like an orc sometimes, do you know that? I cannot shut one eye with you snoring across the province.”


    “Is that why you woke me up so abruptly?”


    “No, the farmer is upset. He said we should have been gone about three hours ago.”


    “Tell him he can piss off and leave us to our own business.”


    “I don’t think he would enjoy that…”


    “That’s why i’m making you tell him, you imbecile.”


    “Either way, we should best get going, have you forgotten what day it is?”


    “You’re right… its market day!”


    “Yes! And if we want to get first pickings we must go now!”


    Rowan quickly stood and prodded his ruffled black hair with his fingers as he walked. He was a tall, slender boy. At the age of sixteen his mother had died, he never knew his father. Without anything but the clothing on his skin, he had left his empty home in the middle of the woods for Detlas City, which is where he met Jarin. Jarin was the only son of a drunken father, who would beat him mercilessly. He ran away from his home in Troms and ended up in Detlas as well, where he begged for scraps until meeting Rowan. The two instantly became friends, sharing a brotherly love ever since.


    “Are you ready yet? This farmer is going to start giving us trouble very soon!” Jarin exclaimed from the first floor.


    “I’ll be right down! Don’t wait on me! Get Nibbles ready!” Rowan replied as he slung a leather sack over his shoulder.


    Jarin strolled over to the other side of the barn.


    “Nibbles! Oh Nibbles! I have a snack for you!” Jarin called out.


    “Squeak…” the noise came from a hay bale in the corner.


    “I have you now…” Jarin slowly approached the bale.


    “Squeak…” the noise came again.


    “Three… two… ONE!” Jarin jumped at the hay bale and began digging, throwing hay in all directions.


    “REEEE!” the agitated creature screamed as it leaped out of the hay pile, only to be caught between Jarin’s hands.


    “Nibbles! Calm yourself! Its only me!” Jarin fruitlessly tried to say while it struggled in his grasp.


    “NIBBLES!” the creature stopped moving, and let out a small squeak.


    “There we are,” Jarin gently lowered the Wybel to the ground, where it hopped out of his palms and scurried around him.


    “Alright i’m ready, and good morning Nibbles,” said Rowan. The creature squeaked in return.


    “YOU DAMN PESTERING CHILDREN, GET OFF OF MY LAND!” a voice exclaimed from outside as footsteps came closer to the barn.


    “Piss off, and leave us to our own business!” Jarin exlclaimed as he dove through the back window, Rowan and Nibbles behind him. Off to the great city Ragni they went.

    Ragni was a beautiful city to say the least. It’s towering walls had stood firm in the ground, even after countless monster attacks. The people of this grand place were the proud, wealthy type. They could be found strolling up and down the grand cobblestone roads, buying and selling everything from powerful potions to potent weapons from all around the province. Adventurers travelled from lands far away to Ragni, just to get a taste of their prized sweet cakes that could be found nowhere else. Ragni’s King was a peculiar man, not very regal as one would expect. But a rather silly, clumsy person who valued himself no more than his people, which is why he was loved so widely.


    “Quickly Jarin!” Rowan gasped, practically out of breath from running.


    “I can see the gates of Ragni ahead!” Jarin shouted back.


    As the boys approached the gates, they were greeted by two guards. Not human guards however, but massive ones made of steel and iron. The machines let out a low rumbling noise upon seeing their approachers.


    “H-hello…” Rowan almost squeaked in fear as the guards towered in front of him.


    “W-we are here from Katoa Ranch… uh… sir,” Jarin added.


    The machines inspected the two boys with their glowing red eyes. After assuring that they were not a threat, they let out another low, metallic sound and stepped back slowly, allowing passage. The boys slowly slid past the gates and into the city, their eyes meeting the machines as they did.


    “When did they get those… things?” questioned Jarin.


    “I don’t know when, but I’ve heard of where. Some farmers were talking about a place called Gavel, across the sea they said it was. Apparently some factory or something is supplying them to towns across the province,” Rowan answered as he looked back again at the machines.


    “Squeak…” a noise came from Jarin’s pouch.


    “I believe Nibbles is hungry,” said Rowan.


    “I guess the market will have to wait, i’m starving too. Let’s go find us something to eat then,” said Jarin with a sigh.


    They looked around them. There was a potion shop, a weaponry dealer, a blacksmith selling armor, a bank, and a bakery with a sign out front that read; The Wondering Wybel. Best sweet cakes in Ragni!

    “Ah! Sweet cakes!” Rowan exclaimed.


    “The best in the province!” Jarin added.


    “Squeak!” a noise of excitement came from the pouch.


    They ran to the door of the bakery. As they opened it, they were lifted away by the sweet smell of the many delicious pastries that were on display. The room was full of people; soldiers, farmers, and townspeople, all looking to get a taste of a delicious sweet cake. Rowan walked up to the tender looking old man at the counter.


    “Why hello there! Welcome to the Wondering Wybel! Best sweet cakes in Ragni! What can I get for you today young man,” he said with a wrinkled smile.


    “I’ll have three of your delicious sweet cakes, please,” Rowan said as he removed his pouch from his back.


    “That’ll be six emeralds, but since I like you I’ll bring it down to five!” the man said quietly, as to not let the other customers hear that he was giving a discount.


    “Oh, how kind of you sir, thank you very much,” Rowan replied.


    Rowan slid five emeralds onto the counter. The man took them with a shaky hand and placed them in a drawer. Then he went into another room and returned with three sweet cakes on small plates and handed them to Rowan. Rowan walked back over to Jarin, who had already found a seat outside. He handed Jarin a plate and took one for himself, the third one he placed on the floor. Jarin opened his pouch, and the Wybel hopped out with a squeak. They both ate and watched as the furry creature nibbled on the pastry quietly.


    “No wonder people come from so far to try these, they are delicious!” Jarin mumbled through a full mouth of cake.


    “Very good indeed,” Rowan answered.


    Suddenly, the ground rumbled a bit. Then again. And Again. In the distance, there was a thundering boom from the north wall, where the boys had entered earlier. Screams and cries echoed from the area.

    “What the hell was that?!” Jarin looked at Rowan in fear.


    “Whatever it was, I think market day is canceled,” Rowan replied slowly.


    “This is no time for humor!” Jarin exclaimed as he stood up and looked around.

    The noises continued, getting louder and louder. People around them also noticed the sounds, and were gathering around to see what the commotion was. Then, out of the corner of his eye, Rowan spotted something moving in the distance. It looked almost like a man, it had the same body shape as one. But this creature was no man, it was completely red, its skin melted and dotted with black spines, its eyes two orange flames in its distorted skull. The creature spotted the crowd. It let out a blood curdling cry and barrelled towards them. More of them appeared behind it, flooding in from alleyways, buildings, and gates.


    “RUN!” Rowan screamed as he bent down, snatched Nibbles and hurdled away, Jarin following.


    “WHAT ARE THOSE!?” Jarin cried out as he ran.


    As they ran, they saw horrible sights. There were people on fire, jumping out of their windows to end their life quickly and be spared the pain of burning alive. Others were not even people anymore, but corpses, some of them missing arms, legs, heads. The boys turned into a house and slammed the door, locking it shut. Suddenly, a woman was at the door with her child in hand.


    “LET ME IN, PLEASE!” she screamed as she banged on the door.


    “WE CAN’T RISK THOSE THINGS GETTING IN!” Rowan screamed back at her.


    “PLEASE!” she cried as she slammed her hand as hard as she could against the door, her child began to cry.


    “I’M SORRY WE CAN’T” Rowan screamed again, tears in his eyes.


    “PLE-,” she was gone. A sudden flash of red and the door fell silent.


    Outside, Rowan could hear her terrified cries and the sound of meat being ripped apart. And then, the cries of the child fell silent as well. Rowan ran up the stairs, Jarin followed close by. They appeared on the second floor, looking for an exit.


    “Rowan!” Jarin yelled, motioning Rowan to come with his hand.


    Rowan came over, Jarin was at a window. He pointed his finger at a gate in the distance.


    “That’s the west gate!” Jarin explained.


    “And how do you suppose we get there without being torn apart!” Rowan yelled back.


    “There has to be something, something in here that could help us,” Jarin said, as he shifted through dressers and drawers.


    “Over here! A weapon!” Rowan exclaimed as he held up a small dagger.


    “This could suffice,” Jarin replied.


    They went back down the stairs and approached the door. As they quietly opened it, they saw the top half of the woman laying on the ground. Her lifeless eyes stared at them, she still had a look of panic frozen on her face. Her organs were scattered everywhere, blood was splattered all over the door. Jarin looked at her in disgust, and the smell of steaming human meat made him begin to puke. They slowly exited the house, and without making a sound, they slipped into an alleyway and began heading for the gate. As they stealthily moved, they heard the cries of the creatures in the distance behind them. They began to move faster. They were almost at the gate when Rowan heard wet, bloody footsteps behind him. He turned around to find one of the creatures. It rose up on two legs, and let out a screeching cry. It then opened its mouth, to reveal four sets of teeth that lined its bloody gums. Stuck in it’s teeth were pieces of hair, clothing, and skin. It leaped and landed on top of Rowan, knocking him to the ground. As it revealed its teeth again, Rowan remembered the woman at the door and began to scream at the top of his lungs as he struggled under its weight. Suddenly, a war cry came from beside him, and a dagger went straight into it’s skull. The creature screamed before melting to the ground. Jarin stood over it, a bloody dagger in hand.


    “This is why you keep me around,” Jarin said as he pulled Rowan onto his feet.


    “The gate, it is right there! Quickly!” Rowan yelled as he caught his breath.


    They made it through the gate, and continued running past it and into the ravines ahead. They stopped when they were far enough away and turned back towards Ragni. Screams still echoed in the wind as buildings burned and crumbled in the distance.


    “What do we do now?” Jarin asked with concern.


    “We cannot go back to Ragni, so we must continue into these ravines,” Rowan replied, his voice shaky.

    “We’ve been walking for an eternity! Is there any way out of these damned ravines?” shouted Jarin angrily.


    “If there is, we will surely find it,” Rowan replied.


    The boys continued through the ongoing labyrinth. As Rowan walked, he thought silently. He thought about Ragni, about those nightmarish beasts. He wondered if Ragni was not the only one to be attacked, he hoped not. As the sun began to set, they approached a river.


    “We can rest here for the night,” Rowan said firmly.


    “Ah, finally!” Jarin rushed over to the stream and clasped his hands in the water, lifting them to his face to drink.


    The night was cold and uncomfortable. The boys did not have any bed nor fire, so they had to create makeshift mats from grass tufts. Rowan laid awake, staring up at the night sky. He remembered the sweet old man in Ragni at the bakery.


    “A man of his age could not outrun those beasts,” he thought to himself in silence before drifting off to sleep.


    After what seemed like a mere moment, Rowan awoke again. Sunlight peered over the tops of the towering ravines. He looked to his left, Jarin’s grass mat lay empty.


    “Jarin?” Rowan called. No answer came.


    “Jarin!?” He called again.


    “Over here! Come look at this!” a voice sounded from down the river.


    Rowan hurried over to find Jarin, sitting at the edge of a cliff.


    “Look!” Jarin pointed over the edge.


    Rowan peered over. A lush green meadow, dotted with small trees. And in the far distance, a large stone structure.


    “What is that?” Rowan asked.


    “That is our way out you idiot,” Jarin laughed.


    “No, look over there,” he pointed at the structure.

    “No clue, but its better than being in these ravines.”


    “I guess you’re right, let’s get going then.”


    The boys followed a path down the cliffside. They emerged from the ravines and into the meadow that they had seen before. The path continued through it, so they kept following it until they reached an intersection. An eroded signpost stood there, with two arrows. One pointed to the left labeled Nivla Woods. The other, to the right, however there was no label.


    “I guess we’re going to the Nivla Woods then?” Jarin said as he began to follow the path to the left.


    “Wait…no” Jarin looked at Rowan.


    “The monsters that attacked Ragni came from the north gate, which leads to the Nivla Woods. They came from there, we can’t go that way.” Rowan added.


    “I guess to… wherever this leads,” Jarin pointed at the path to the right.


    “It will be that way then,” Rowan said with confidence.


    The boys followed the right path. As Rowan was walking, he noticed something.


    “Jarin, tell me. Have I gone mad or are things beginning to move slower,” he said.


    “What?”


    “Look around you.”


    They looked at their surroundings. There were birds, frozen in the sky. The wind had seized to blow the trees. And a small creek nearby seemed as if it had turned to ice in mid-air.

    MORE COMING SOON!
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2017
    LionII, Theeef, HalfCat_ and 3 others like this.
  2. HalfCat_

    HalfCat_ Supporter of Catania HERO GM Builder

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    I think it’s really good but it is wierd that all these terrible and horiffic things happened to the boys and it has had almost No effect on them. That is not realistic. Also please don’t have all the text green.
     
  3. Wynnooblet

    Wynnooblet Slayer of Useless Threads VIP+

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    I don't understand what you mean by "no effect" please elaborate. I think I added enough with Rowan continuously thinking about the monsters after the attack.
     
  4. Wynnooblet

    Wynnooblet Slayer of Useless Threads VIP+

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    Bumppppppp
     
  5. HalfCat_

    HalfCat_ Supporter of Catania HERO GM Builder

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    He may be thinking about it but for such a horrific thing to witness his reaction is pretty mild. He thinks about it but as a reader you don’t really feel the effect on the characters. Keep in mind this is a very minor complaint. I really liked the rest but just wanted to give you something you could improve on. :)

    Btw the reference to the golems coming from Gavel was really neat! Also the text being black is bad for dark theme users. If you want the neutral color click the color button and then ”none”.
     
    euouae likes this.
  6. Wynnooblet

    Wynnooblet Slayer of Useless Threads VIP+

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    Thanks for the tips, and I'm glad you enjoy it!
     
  7. euouae

    euouae euouae VIP

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    THE WRITING

    Jarin looked at Rowan in fear.

    They went back down the stairs and approached the door. As they quietly opened it, they saw the top half of the woman laying on the ground. Her lifeless eyes stared at them, she still had a look of panic frozen on her face. Her organs were scattered everywhere, blood was splattered all over the door. Jarin looked at her in disgust, and the smell of steaming human meat made him begin to puke. They slowly exited the house, and without making a sound, they slipped into an alleyway and began heading for the gate. As they stealthily moved, they heard the cries of the creatures in the distance behind them. They began to move faster. They were almost at the gate when Rowan heard wet, bloody footsteps behind him. He turned around to find one of the creatures. It rose up on two legs, and let out a screeching cry. It then opened its mouth, to reveal four sets of teeth that lined its bloody gums. Stuck in it’s teeth were pieces of hair, clothing, and skin. It leaped and landed on top of Rowan, knocking him to the ground. As it revealed its teeth again, Rowan remembered the woman at the door and began to scream at the top of his lungs as he struggled under its weight. Suddenly, a war cry came from beside him, and a dagger went straight into it’s skull. The creature screamed before melting to the ground. Jarin stood over it, a bloody dagger in hand.

    THE SUGGESTIONS

    looked: you could improve on the word choice for this, For example, you could do, gazed, peered over.

    opened: Again, word choice. Maybe, "slowly grabbed the doorknob, opened the door, and peered inside."

    the smell of steaming human meat made him begin to puke. They slowly exited the house.: Try capturing the emotions a little more, and make it so that the characters are shaken from the experience.

    He turned around to find one of the creatures. It rose up on two legs, and let out a screeching cry. It then opened its mouth, to reveal four sets of teeth that lined its bloody gums. Stuck in it’s teeth were pieces of hair, clothing, and skin.: What were the other attributes of the monster? Color? Quality? Appearance?

    and a dagger went straight into it’s skull. The creature screamed before melting to the ground. Jarin stood over it, a bloody dagger in hand.: How did Rowan feel about this experience? How thankful does he feel for Jarin?


    I think your story is really developing, and that you have real potential for writing. I enjoyed writing this, and I hope you continue.
     
  8. Wynnooblet

    Wynnooblet Slayer of Useless Threads VIP+

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    Thanks for the tips! I’ll be sure to improve, and I’m working on more as we speak. As for the description of the monsters that you suggested. I already did that. Look at the beginning of chapter 3 when Rowan spots one
     
  9. euouae

    euouae euouae VIP

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    oh, sorry, didn't notice that. Hope you continue with this!
     
  10. Wynnooblet

    Wynnooblet Slayer of Useless Threads VIP+

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    And as for word choice. I am trying. Just please understand that it can be difficult to come up with a more exciting word for “open” every time you need to use it. I’ll work on it though :D
     
  11. euouae

    euouae euouae VIP

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    okay, thanks!
     
  12. Rawb

    Rawb Disciple of Bak'al

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    This is pretty great man.
     
  13. Caldie

    Caldie The World is Dead I Guess VIP+

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    I'm enjoying this, great story so far, keep it up.
    But like @HalfCat_ said, please change the text colour to 'none'.
    It's really hard to read black on dark theme.
     
  14. Wynnooblet

    Wynnooblet Slayer of Useless Threads VIP+

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    Bumping this cause I’m starting it back up again
     
  15. Wynnooblet

    Wynnooblet Slayer of Useless Threads VIP+

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  16. Wynnooblet

    Wynnooblet Slayer of Useless Threads VIP+

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    Bump for the boys
     
  17. Wynnooblet

    Wynnooblet Slayer of Useless Threads VIP+

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  18. Theeef

    Theeef Self Proclaimed Idiot CHAMPION

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    Please set the color of all the text to "none".

    Seems really good, I'll give it a closer read later!
     
  19. Wynnooblet

    Wynnooblet Slayer of Useless Threads VIP+

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    Thanks! Also BUMPPPP
     
  20. Wynnooblet

    Wynnooblet Slayer of Useless Threads VIP+

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