Lore/Story Whinton And The Evil Of The Provinces #2

yes the sequel to the first one

Whinton and the evils of the provinces #2​

The hunt for the raiders and the rise of the order​

After Whinton has defeated the sky raiders he now is on the hunt for the escaped ones. He and a gavel government search party is searching sky islands, for the remaining ones. As whinton is searching Ahmsord he sees a mysterious figure he tried to approach the mysterious figure, but the mysterious figure runs away as he asks the citizens, about any sky raiders in town. He sees a house he senses dark magic in the house as he went into the house he sees a sky raider scared and injured, Whinton ask him what happened to you the raider replies dark dark figure demonic magic. Whinton then takes him to the healer at the cinfras ,the healer tells whinton the raider has been hurt from the inside with dark magic. Whinton now must find out who did this so he asks cinfras citizens, about dark magic they all say the kander forest then whinton went to the west exit.


As he exited a group of bandits attacked him he pulled out his sword and killed them, all then he went to the border of cifras country and kander forest. Where he was attacked by dark orcs and arcane skeletons he swiftly kills them all. As he enters the forest he sees a defective forest guardian charging at him slowly, he pulls out the inferno crossbow and shoots it, the guardian it showed no effect to the arrows. So he used his sword he killed it, he sees the kander cathedral he ask the priest about dark magic he said, the town of lexdale the order of the abyss whinton then goes to lexdale he sees to dark figures he ask them could he enter but they told heim to go away. Then he casts a earthquake spell and he knocked down the guards crippling them, he then enters to see a village, in decay dogs which are starving citzens haning from poles impaled into spikes. He asks one of the citizens about the order they say they steal their crops, and anyone that oppress them get hanged and killed. So whinton then ask him about the order's goals the citizen replies with, they want to enhance their super weapon and summon a demon. So whinton replies with I WILL END THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL. Then he interrogates one of the crippled guards and asks him WHERE IS YOUR HIDEOUT, the guard replies I will never tell you , whinton then threatens him with his sword,the guard then says ok ok it's in cinfras country in a cave near the west exit .


He then goes out the same entrance he went in from, to their hide out in cinfras country as he reaches the cave. He sees drows running out, as a drow affected by dark magic killing its friends winton then shoots it with his inferno crossbow. He killed it and he ventures into the cave he sees a wounded mercenary warrior, he asks him what happened to you the warrior replies with the order took over our base killing many of us i escaped the others were casted with dark magic that makes them loyal to the order. His armour made it too heavy to take him the the healer whinton had to leave him to die. As he reaches the mercenaries hideout he sees a army of dark magic affected mercenaries, he kills them all with his sword and crossbow and he sees the leader of the order. He confronts him and the leader just did not speak to him and starts to fight him. They fight as whiton shot a steel forged inferno arrow at the leader he was crippled and paralyzed, he then takes the bow on the pedestal he sees it's called hellstrand, he then leaves the cave he then hears a loud scream coming from kander forest he then goes to investigate.

 

ehhh, definitely needs grammar checks. Also, I see only a bare minimum of commas in here - I had to take a breath when I was reading it in my head.
The story seems intriguing enough, but I'd rethink the stakes here. From what I've read so far, Whinton is master chief, dovahkiin and batman all rolled into one person and while that seems cool to write about for a bit, it'd be even better if you raised the tension and make the story a bit more gripping for the reader to enjoy.
I'd love to help further if you have any different opinions about my suggestions, but for now, I'd like to see where this story goes :)

 

Im working on#3 soon where he kills the banshee as he follow the scream

 

Ch

Check your grammar, add commas and quotation marks, capitalize names, indent dialogue and add more detail.