Bullshit Your Way To Victory

you want to capture this one city. i own that city. why do you want it? i don't fuckin know
essentially, come up with a reason why you were able to capture my city, but make it really fuckin bullshitty or elaborate

ex.
"i deconstruct the city and reconstruct it on top of Mount Everest, bitch"
"i hack into a secret NASA illuminati satellite and shoot a giant laser into the city, and reconstruct it in Russia during the mud season"
"i actually use fucking tank treads, i set up an impenetrable shield"
"i penetrated it as hard as I did ur mum xDDDD, i use ur mom as a barricade xDDDDD"

just do something extremely stupid to capture the city
i mean, i did something stupid
ur mom xDDDDd

 

i used the power of Lazy Writing™ to capture your city

 

i took a massive dump and it shook the earth so much that the city crumbled to bits.

 

I just trew a black cat in the city and every1 in it died, ez entry

 

i threw a tissue over the whole city so now it's mine

 

scissors beats paper bitch

 

i use the ancient hidden power of the xDDDDDDdd and get citee

 

I threw john cena onto the city and then the illuminati got 666 tractors and ruined the city, but I recreated the city with such a great wall that when donald trump built his wall he died and then 666 pounds of garbage fell onto trumps wall.

its mine now >:)

 

I utilize the only thing that out-terriblizes xD:

The laughing/crying face emoji thing





Dear lord

________________________________

I proceed to tell you that random doesn't equal funny.

 

I eat the whole city

 

I send a huge wybel army to fuck your habitants and they capture the city cause all people escaped trying and failing to do not being rapped by my wybels

 

Someone just found out why the bed in their parents' bedroom is squeaking all the time

Seeing the unstructured "sex = funny lol" humor, I proceed to walk in, everyone too occupied with edgy sex jokes to notice me, and proceed to destroy the food and water supply in and around the city, until it's forced to surrender due to thirst and hunger.

 

yes​

 

I swear to god I'll bring back the bleach jokes

 

i kill everyone and eat their dead bodies
edgy

 

I pack the city up, and move it to where it belongs.

A salt field.

C'mon, the Carthage jokes are too easy here. Though now I do own the city

 

I use bungee jumpers to kidnap you, and take the throne myself.

 

I lower the throne into a secret prison, and lock you up, simultaneously declaring my rightful position on the throne

 

Thanks to the multiverse theory, I go to another universe where you're about to die of pneumonia. I claim the throne once you die and obliterate the original universe through the power of lazy writing.

 

I introduce yourself to your other self in the new universe, which inevitably leads to mutual destruction and I take the throne.