quests summed up poorly

I feel like we need @Selvut283 's summary of EotS here

 

shattered minds the right way

likeru: hey boi, come be our drug mule
likeru: just go into that cave over there
[small amount of travelling and parkour later]
dawm: ayy lmao go touch that mushroom idk what it'll do to you
[some castle and a crazy old lady]
WHOA DUUUUUUUUUDE YOU HIGH AF
[more parkour]
lionrat: oh man this puzzle is confusing af
lionrat: i've been here seven minutes and it's still confusing me
[a puzzle]
???: hey look to your left thanks fam enjoy the ride

[one long-ass drug trip later]

yahya: stay tf away from my drugs
[one weirdo later]

elder berusia: hey thanks drug mule, you brought me the good shit
elder berusia: now get out of here
[back to efilim]

likeru: oh man you look turnt af fam
likeru: well, at least the elder is happy, here's your payment, keep this between us

reward:
some xp
some emeralds
a gift from likeru

 

Jungle Fever
Worid: I wanna scam u. go to this shitty place
[lots of running around]
detlas banker: this guy is a fgt he scammer like @Jacky kit
gointhebankanywaybichcmon
[walksinbank]
Worid: lol i thought that shitbag would rek you
Worid: go to this shitty place
[lots of running around.]
Almuj banker: hiwhoareyouwhyareyouhere
youpulloutapumpshotgun
almuj banker: herre some le dun kill me
[runningbak]
worid:khererewarduawesomehehe

 

Lord of the clock

Bulblowww: fam can u destroy this clock cuz i have problems, and go talk to this one dude in a library cuz i have depression kthx
Gunaloof: lol what u comin to me for go to mt wynn and kys i mean the clock
(1 trip later)
Foodo: Oi what u think ur doin here skrub?
Foodo: kk give me clock and ill destroy it now take this shit and leave plz

 

Selvuts summary of EoTS was the best thing I've every read in my existence

 

Ezan's Brother:

Ezan: Ayyyeeeeeee I gots something to help u out.
Ezan: JK I dont but my bro does.
Ezan: Itll help you get through this terrible wonderful journey..
Ezan: He jerks o- is a jerk to strangers sometimes...

Thercok: Go away I busy!
Thercok: My bro sent u?
Thercok: Soz not soz I didnt know!
Thercok: Bring this note to the dealer 2 meters away and buy somethin 4 ur self.
Thercok: He'll give you some dru-- I mean powders of ur choice!
Thercok: Now gtfa...

Rewards:
xep
emralds
coke powder

 

But that isn't a poor summary, that tells you everything you need to know.

 

and so it shall be summarized poorly

arwes: hello this is the house of taylor it's completely fucked
arwes: there used to be people coming here but they all turned to the darkness
arwes: they're now in a cult and kidnapped a guy for a sacrifice, go save him

talons: help me they're gonna kill me
[one small fight later]
talons: thanks fam you saved me, these weirdos kidnapped me
talons: go tell the other guy i'm okay

[slight backtracking]

arwes: o they took talons, probably tricked him
arwes: hey do me a big favor and get the eye of blud from that cult
arwes: they're in lexdale rn, all the citizens are starving but cinfras is liek "idc man"
arwes: go find penguin by sneaking around, be careful not to make a sound

[yay travelling]

penguin: hey be fuckin quiet the cult can hear us
penguin: they're called the order and praise the darkness, total edgelords
penguin: they also summoned that giant hand coming out of the ground
penguin: go to my balcony and take a look
[yes it's a hand, can't miss it]

penguin: see, it's a hand, so sp00ky and big
penguin: you can't help around here, the cult is too big
penguin: go find my friend rismor by going through my basement, k?

[one arduous puzzle later]

rismor: o hey shouldn't you be somewhere else
rismor: o the eye of blud, idk what that is but it sounds sp00ky
rismor: these cult guys are total noobs but they really wanna get this done
rismor: you could go in but no you can't you'd get rekt instantly
rismor: go get a scroll from those cult guys so i can make sure you don't get rekt

[one short fight later]

rismor: k you got the scroll
rismor: abracadabra, alakazam, hocus pocus
rismor: k you should be gud, jump into the pit and find darker, he'll help you out
rismor: now go rek that demon

[dark stuff]

darker: o you're tall, let's get started
darker: wow you got here ez, my leg got rekt getting here
darker: well i can help you stop the ritual, but the cult guys already started
darker: go into the chamber

[a few steps later]

2spooky4me demon: holy shet this eye has a lot of power, ima control the world and watch it burn

darker: ok they summoned him shet what do
darker: uh go get me 5 neckla- i mean icons of 2spooky4me demon, so we can stop him
[5 necklaces later]
darker: k lemme do majiks
darker: abracadabra, alakazam, hocus pocus
darker: k go rek that demon

2spooky4me demon: lol you can't kill me, let's get this over with
darker: dude you totally gotta kill that guy for me and get the eye of blud
[1 demon fight later]

darker: ayy you got the eye
darker: the demon isn't actually dead but at least he ain't our problem anymore
darker: k take this eye of blud to rismor on the surface

[small travelling]

rismor: ye i knew you did it
rismor: that hand stopped moving, guess 2spooky4me demon was gonna use it to destroy stuff
rismor: i'm impressed tbh, i didn't think you could rek him if they actually summoned him
rismor: w/e i'll keep this eye of blud safe, here's your reward

reward:
lots of xp
lots of emeralds
an amulet i guess

 

Reincarnation:

Spoiler: its long im warning you... dont say i didnt warn you.

[go into tomb - IT TAKES 3 PEOPLE YEEEE :/]

guy: hey im a scientist
guy: i study these weird symbols that dont make any sense to you
guy: but they make sense to me
guy: so go get weird body parts from all of Bob's beloved companions. im sure he wont mind.

[kills animals and gets wierd body parts. im not sure if bob wants his animals to be killed tho..]
[go back into tomb]
[DO THE GODDAMN OPENING :/]

guy: kewl ill take those body parts now, heheh...
guy: go in

[goes in teleporter]
[sees weird pics of animals on wall]

bob: hey
bob: see these animals
bob: ik they're kewl :D
bob: so i got too powerful for my own good
bob: but now you have to fite me for xp and uh bragging rights now.. so...

[enter bobs realm]
player: oshitwaddup
player: oh i died

[1 lvl 100 carry later]
[kills bob]
player: omg i cant pick up the bob seal even after 20 seconds ima go post on the forums about this

[player goes and posts on forums]
[player finally does enough dmg]

player: omg YAHS i did it :D
lvl100: yeah bob is ez
player: nu hes not :( u lie liar liar
[player brings bob seal to guy]
guy: omg this is what is was looking for
guy: here take this random treasure that is in no way strange
guy: get yourself an ok weapon. its ok. oh and heres some xp

[player gets weapon]
player: yeeee a weapon =D

 

Memory Paranoia:



Dude: sh*t fam, wtf you doing here? Actually idc, go in haunted house to learn about my past

[Time travel #1]

*wander around listening to people talk*
*can't go to basement because "no point in going there"*
*listen to kid and maid, magically can go into basement*
*go to library with newfound key*

[Time travel #2]

*go into library*
*find random notes while fighting mobs telling you to climb a thing*

[Freaking amazing cutscene]

*little kid is possessed by evil thing*
*probably the eye*
*oh sh*t fam*
*get random spoon thats been in fireplace for at least 50 years*

*leave library*
*return spoon to kitchen because reasons*

[Time travel #3]

Dad: My son is 18 now, yee bois he can not do legal stuff hes been doing since 14!
Dad: He may have done demon stuff in the past, but we gucci now
Cook: We got a problem b00s
Dad: Oh sh*t

*literal nightmare in kitchen*
*starts attacking cooks*
*has more HP than a freaking pigball*

Dad: well sh*t

*le random key on table*
*le go upstairs to study area*

*le random cult stuff*
*oh sh*t how did the Dad get possessed now?*
*creepy lore-related text that's too vague for more theory*

[Time travel #4]

*find note*
*go to kid's room because reasons*
*fall through hole because chandelier fell*
*go up stairs again*
*go to kid's room because reasons 2.0*

[Cutscene that would be cool if it was not invisible for me]

[Time travel #5]

*get key because kid randomly had it*
*attempts to teleport across area*
*freaking barrier blocks*
*fall*
*go up stairs again*
*go to master bedroom*

[Time travel #6]

*wife does not think Dad is possessed, just weird*
[Cutscene of Dad murdering Wife, also invisible because reasons]
*More vague screw-theorists text*

[Time travel #7]

*oh sh*t fam*
*House randomly on fire for no f*cking reason*
*Leave through back area*
*Think it's downstairs*
*It's not downstairs*
*go back up yet again*
*go to back area*

*Le random wine cellar*
*cuz 2 basements for some reason*
*Bridge with random bloody hands coming from water*
*Totally not connected to EotS*

*Attempts to fight possessed dad*
*Get lagged to death*
*Not actually tho, still alive, just hella lag*
*manage to survive lag spike*
*ice snake and meteor the boss*
*2 ez for me*
*take thing*
*go out of random rift in reality*
*no biggie*

[Time travel #8]

Dude: sh*t fam, youve been standing there for a while
Dude: You were making strange noises, not I know stuffs
Dude: Take money, I is rich
Dude: BTW family was crazy and build house on Decay spot
Dude: BTW 2.0 I am random baby that no one knew existed even tho you did time travel sh*t

*wait, if it's all his memories, but he was not alive for some of this, wtf?*

 

Mushroom Man

Yahya:
o hai there skrub, I iz Mushroom Man but I have no mushrooms. Lmao git me some red shrooms by buying them or killing mushrooms cuz u can't pick up mushrooms from the ground ggwp.

Player: *gets 3 red shrooms, gives them to Yahya*

Yahya:
git gud m8, now I need brown shrooms
Lulz I hope you've already thrown them away so go get them again

Player: *gets 1 brown shroom, gives it to Yahya*

Yahya:
Oh shit whaddup I can't eat without a bowl, go buy me one lol (even though I have EVERYTHING upstairs in my house)

Player: *wasted 1 emerald for a bowl*

Yahya:
ok skrub... Wait, there's still something... spoons.. Nvm I have them LOL.
Lmao skrub there you go take my bowl which I just used and haven't even washed and put it into your bank 'till Lvl 68

+ Yahya's Stained Bowl
+ idk what else r the rewards I forgot xD

 

???:

slated: fuck everyone lets make a community quest
grolan: das a bad idea
slated: shut up

go to rocks in the sky literally on fire while taking no damage and stand on plates
go to computer

computer: beep boop
computer: *explodes*

[one year of serching later]
go to some drug dealers house and throw some random shit into a carpet
fall into hole that appeared

do some hard puzzles

realize slated broke the quest

slated: hey grolan
grolan: what
slated: im going to break the quest so everyone can do nothing and i can get my slaves to pretend they are fixing it
grolan: k

[67 years later]
do the color puzzle
realize its still broken


[soon later]
do the stupid fucking color puzzle
realize its not fixed and bug slated

person: SLATED FIX THE THING
slated: no

[approximately 7568308563788270167`1.675826198 seconds later]

do
the
color
puzzle

...
...
...

I T S W O R K I N G

get key

go in white metro

go in room

go in teleporter

mehme: sm0k3 w33d 3v3ryd4y m8
person: give me the fucking items that i went through so much to get to
m3hm3: sm0k3 th1s w33d f1rst
person: k
*smoking of w33d*
person: did it
mehme: t4k3 th1s sh1t 4nd l34v3
person: k see ya
mehme: one more thing
person: what
mehme: wooden houses
person: ...
person: k

[finally you fucking did it took your time]
[???]
65 w33d
noice armor
necklace of rainbow builds

 

A Marauder's Deus
Gate dude: I'm under some guys control, plz save, he is up there
*climb hill*
*climb huge fucking tower*
*jump into hole*
*climb out of huge fucking hole*
*give will back*
Gate guy: k, u can now use this useless gate, instead of walking around like everyone else

 

I was like "I wish someone do ???" and here you are !

 

am magic

 

Watching this thread for laughs and shitposts
:)

 

Priest: "Hey these cultists are bad, go save this guy."
*maze-like area with obscure passages*
*hellhound out of nowhere*
Kidnapped guy: "Yo these cultists are trying to kill me because they're evil but they say they've not evil because we're evil because we're not evil. Don't worry, I can leave this room with heavily armed psychopaths who brought me down here in the first place, you can go now that you've accomplished nothing."
Priest: "Oh hey did you know this church in the middle of nowhere had an artifact of doom that was actually in Wynn before it was brought here for no reason and hidden here from before the time where humans were allowed in Gavel? That's a sensible thing to do, right? By the way those culty guys dashed in here like a minute ago and took it to the town, go fix it."
Cultists: "Oh, you can't go into a fully-fledged town that you can actually enter the boundaries of before completing this quest and therefore respawn there with no clear way out if you die cause we own it. Don't even think about going into the obvious entrance-hole next to us.
Mayor: "Hey man I know at this point that you've probably killed a few bosses that are way tougher than anything Gavel's thrown at you but hey go on my roof for a sec. Don't worry I hid the path to the balcony expertly."
*you look at the one defining feature of the Kander Forest that everyone knows about for two seconds*
Mayor: "HOLY SHIT WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG QUICK GET IN MY BASEMENT HURRY"
*you go into the basement and find a massive tunnel that -still- has cultists and shit in it even though it was supposedly safe*
Mayor: "BY THE WAY I PUT A PUZZLE DOWN THERE"
*suddenly sliding puzzle to waste 60 seconds of your time*
Wizard: "Nah these guys are amateurs but they still have a fucking demon hand jutting out of the ground since they got their special artifact like ten minutes ago, these cultists are terrible at their jobs but they're also a massive threat, go get me a thing so you can go into this area that your Purified Helmet of Legends should easily protect you from, no you can't go in there with it because reasons."
Cultist Guy: "YO IM GONNA FUCK YOU UP IF YOU GET NEAR ME"
*he dies in a matter of seconds*
Wizard: "Okay, awesome, now that you have this scroll that lets me send people into the culty place that was stolen from me a very long while ago, go meet up with this guy that's been in there since after the scroll was stolen but since before you got here, he'll help you."
*parkour+ranged enemies*
Spy guy: "Hey, I got a letter from the wizard guy thanks to Deus Ex Mailchina ExpressDelivery service: Running your messages through areas impossible to go through by normal means since 1897! Turns out that I can't help because my arms are useless ever since I got cut on my leg. Now SHUT UP AND HURRY TO THE NEXT ROOM THESE AMATEUR CULTISTS ARE GONNA RAISE THE DEMON CONNECTED TO THAT HAND"
Generic Satan #297: "MUAHAHAHA I WILL DESTROY THE WORLD BECAUSE I'M A DEMON WE DO THAT RIGHT"
Spy guy: "QUICK GO GRIND INSTEAD OF TRYING TO KILL THE BOSS BECAUSE REASONS! Wait, how I got here? Oh, I just ran ahead of you across this massive chamber with my cut up leg that keeps me from fighting, why do you ask?"
Spy Guy: "Okay you brought me five pearl necklaces that have nothing to do with the boss whatsoever since they had to use a special artifact of doom from another province to raise him, awesome now we can kill him!
Generic Satan #297: "NOOOO MY 24TH WEAKNESS! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS, MORTAL!"
Spy Guy: "Awesome, go kill a demon prince now! Don't worry, even though that hand raised out of the hill is literally his, he's not even a hundredth of the size of it so you can kill him! Wait, how I got here? Oh, I just ran ahead of you across this massive chamber with my cut up leg that keeps me from fighting, why do you ask?"
*generic satan dies*
Spy guy: "Cool you got the artifact of doom back! Now bring this back to wizard-man. Don't worry, I'll be fine in this giant pit of death and despair with the demon's strongest minions, I can fight even though I have a cut up leg which makes me totally impotent while fighting, you can go!"
Wizard: "Shit you're back already I didn't get to practice my generic totally-not-ripped-off-from Lord of the Rings speed. Uhhh, here's some money now go away."
-end quest-

@Selvut283 September 27 2016


DONT POST, but here is the link

https://forums.wynncraft.com/threads/no-ranged-mobs-near-parkour.156304/

 

The first human to find Corkus: A wynncraft story

Human <insert name here>: O wow is this Corkus, I thought this was suppose to be hidden!
Human <insert name here>: Man this place is big!, how come the sea skipper captain with a boat capable of traveling the ocean in minutes missed this?
Human <insert name here>: OMG it is a corkiasn (or however you say it)! I going to talk to him!

Corkus Delegate: Hello Welcome to Corkus the future fourth province....

Human <insert name here>:Wait, isn't Dern the fourth province?

Corkus Delegate: ummm no Dern is a dark land, not even a province.

Human <insert name here>: really, because according to the wiki...

Corkus Delegate: Screw the wiki! We are a province!

Human <insert name here>: but didn't you say future?

Corkus Delegate: Yes... never mind, We had to close our borders because our machines... aren't ready yet....

Human <insert name here>:Wait, so your telling me that after years in the lore of the you guys being on Corkus you haven't finished making your machines?

Corkus Delefate: OK we had some work to do before we can show off Corkus! trust me, our province is going to be great.

Human <insert name here> : I saw the Fruma Border earlier, will it be as great as that?

Corkus Delegate: F**K YOU
Corkus Delegate: *shoves human off of the island. Human Drowns*
Corkus Delegate: To think we have to do this for the next 2 years...

 

im just popping in saying we need more quests like shattered minds

 

The Lost

Random guy 1: Lol me and 5 other random guys went hiking in the Canyon of the Lost, but we got lost! We got flags that don't help at all, now go deliver these letters to them cus I can't just do that myself!

Random guy 2: Oh dang ur good at climbing

Random guy 3: Those other random guys r trrble and so is leader now kys

Random guy 4: Wuz lookin @ shroomz then got lost lmao

Random guy 5: This bear attacked me, but it put me with it's cubs rather than killing me and eating cus reasons

Random guy 6: Damn dood sounds like u got shr3kt down there. I came up here cus I was in danger but I can leave regardless elmoa

Random guy 1: Oh hey u did it now take this useless chart that I could have used myself

+Sum xp
+Sum bling
+Useless-ass chart