quests summed up poorly

this is a thread for bastardizing quests

let's start with temple of the legends

kelight: o hi you look weak af go get me a bunch of items from previous quests
[one /fixquests later]
kelight: o shit this is the real deal, you could stand a chance at this thing
kelight: however you'll get rekt if you go into this cave, just go to my friend who's at the source of the corruption and get light dust, you'll totally be fine

[much travelling later]

jorkin: oh hi this place is dangerous wtf are you doing here
jorkin: o you want the light cocai- i mean dust, just go over there and get it
[some parkour later]
jorkin: k you got it, but it's weak af
jorkin: go to raskakrakrjoth at mage island to purify it

[more travelling and seaskipper dialogue]

raskakrakrjoth: o hi good job getting up here, lemme see that light dust
raskakrakrjoth: ye it's weak af, go all the way back down and get some vapor for me to smok- i mean use
[a little grinding later]
raskakrakrjoth: k you got it here's the light dust, take it back to kelight
raskakrakrjoth: also pls back out of this, kelight's a snooty weirdo

[even more fukin travelling]

kelight: (fuk he's back) okay welcome back lemme hold onto that light dust for you
kelight: go to my weird friend garull who studies creepers so he can make a helmet for you

[a little more travelling]

garull: o shit you scared me, you want a protection helmet?
garull: lol ok, go get stuff from around the province for me, not quite gonna say where but just go to these general places

[a lot of travelling and seaskipping later]

garull: k you got it all, lemme see it
[majik]
garull: k here's your helmet, just b careful fam

[a little more travelling]

kelight: k lemme see that helmet
[more majik]
kelight: k put this on and go slay this leader of the corruption, should be ez

[armor stand shenanigans]

corrupter of worlds: lol you don't stand a chance
[one lvl 100 carry later]

kelight: o shit you did it, you can go into this fancy temple now

reward:
tons of xp
access to this cool temple place i guess
a kool helmet
0 emeralds WHY THO

 

Wynncraft threads summed up poorly: shitposts

 

XDDDDDD

 

that meme steal tho

 

King's Recruit
Caravan Driver: Oh shit u drank too much booze
Caravan Driver:*Smack* are you high
Caravan Driver: hey now ur awake
Caravan Driver: The guy w/ powers is in da places
Caravan Driver: Buyshit along the way

[traveling]

Ragni Knight: Run like hell

[traveling]

Ragni's King: At least u didn't get destroyed by the zombies

[talking]

Ragni's King: U must be last fgt
Ragni's King: wut is dat ign
Ragni's King: This is a sum fort
Ragni's King: Go out there and kill things
Ragni's King: People die though
Ragni's King: If you ever feel like yer gonna get shrekt use this [1 ragni tp scroll]
Ragni's King: if ur drunk and lost use map.wynncraft.com
Ragni's King: Kbai

reward:
soem xp
0 emeralds
access to some randum world idk

 

someone make flight in distress pls

 

We’ve all been there - that moment when you’re wandering through a lovely city, beginning your lifelong dream to shred living things to unrecognizable bits. There’s a soft breeze in your face and flowers on every side of the road as you brandish a bloodstained weapon through the air for the sheer joy of it. But then, with no prior warning, a guy named Enzan comes to you and tells you that Santa isn’t real- I mean, that his brother Therck has something at the other side of the Emerald Trail just for you! So off you go, the opening of a majestic game where smiles and love are everywhere you turn, and some low-leveled person is getting mauled by zombies off in the distance for some reason.

By itself, the Emerald Trail is already a wonderful location. There are ruins lining the dirt path, zombies around every rock and crevice, and a lot of merchants ahead that appear to be placed as a discrete tutorial because they think you’re not good enough. Yes, just up ahead is a vendor that sells terrible weapons for only ten times their sale price plus tax. A while later is an Item Buyer whose knowledge of the economy is about three years outdated, along with a guy who’s already there to tell you just how bad the stats on your new weapon are. Aren’t they all so nice?

But! The wonders don’t end there! There’s not two, not five, but ONE merchant still there to brighten your day. You may find the potions shop, where you may purchase as many healing concoctions as you can afford with the single emerald you have as zombies wander in through the front door. Don’t you wish this could go on forever? Too bad, Therck is right up ahead to give you a bit of dust and then sends you off to the forest behind him, where you can get eaten by spiders to your broken heart’s remains. Happy Wynncrafting!

 

Fortunteller

Fairytaleripoff: hi der, I like beans, find me beans, I eat too many beans, beans......beans..........beans GET ME BEANS
*walk to kandon castle*
[1 quiz later]
Witch: kill me for beans or I 1shot u
fairytaleripoff: WTF IS THIS DESE ARE SHIT BEANS, GO READ IN LIBRARY ABOUT GOOD BEANS FFS
book: *actually interesting stuff about sky islands*
* plants bean*
[1 beanstalk later]
Derg: hi am @Cloud dergen, I give u book

Option 1: go to llevigar library and use book to read Lore shit
Option 1.5: read lore on forums lololololol
Option 2: make 2 le

 

tower of ascension

anchor: hello welcome to this tower of going up
anchor: gl getting to final floor, this shit b difficult af
anchor: there are 7 floors, each floor has 9 grindy levels and 1 boss level
anchor: you need ten tokens to ascend to the next level
anchor: once you rek the boss you get tp'd back here and start the next one
anchor: good luck, hehehehehe

[a fucking shit-ton of grinding later]
[like holy shit man]
[you gotta kill like 600 mobs for this]
[you're probably like lvl 80-90 by now holy hell]
[are you just doing this so it'll show up as complete]
[alright i'll stop now]

death: so you got this far, prepare to get rekt
[one carry later]

anchor: oh shit you beat death, i knew that guy so well
anchor: you're strong af, take this equipment that you'll probably throw out bc cosmic set
anchor: you totally earned it fam, hehehehehe

 

Grave Mistake ez

Random Guy: nu don't enter
*enters*
*some spoopy shit scary fuck fuck*
Ghost: told u not to enter
Random Guy: told u not to enter
*then gives u XP and money*

Done

 

Wayneexcurvation Site Bae:

Excavator Lickron: G'day m8. You're the person who helped us in the desert by running like 10 blocks to get some thing translated (jk we know you stole our random mystical relic and we're going to 1v1 u 4 it)
Excavator Lickron: There's weird monsters at the bottom of the cave that are reking our miners and we want you to sp00k them for us even though you're probably going to die horribly because we have no idea how powerful they are.
Excavator Lickron: Go talk to my random friend Flunder at the bottom of the cave because reasons. Go nao pl0x.

[Intense cave traveling intensifies]

Flander: I know wat u did m8. This is sparta btw.

[Derpy cave exploring and one random puzzle later]

Wayneexcurvation Archaeologist: There's this door in front of me and it's confusing me.
Wayneexcurvation Archaeologist: Oh yea there's this scripture that says something about a hole in the rocks literally 10 blocks away from me.
Wayneexcurvation Archaeologist: W8, who are you m8? I was too drunk to see that you're not an employee of wayneexcurvation even though you're right in front of me. Go away scrub.

[Player goes through hole]

[Giant purple crystal, player gets tiny piece of it]

[Majickal teleportation that should be impossibru, player appears behind rock door]

Excavator Lickron: Suh dud, we thought that you were stuck down there but you weren't.
Excavator Lickron: We knew what you did in Elmerjur btw you scrublord.
Excavator Lickron: The Fiar and Leafy crystals are safe, now stop reking the plans of our Illuminati society and git good and go away.
*Excavator lickron then gives you exp and 1536 emeralds and duplicates your purpur shard*

 

Cooking by the book Recipe for disaster

Gordon Ramsay: bonjour u look like a gud chef, now face me in cook off
Gordon Ramsay: i will kick ur ass hehe
(1 kitchen later)
Cookingirl: Hi am new just a warning dont choose me cuz im new k go talk to the others now
Cookinguy: Yo am rlly rude and make amazing shit choose me
Othercookinguy: hi i have compltely no idea what im gonna make lol
(1 chef later)
(say you chose cookingirl)
Gordon Ramsay: ur dish smeels, go in room to eat
(1 room later)
Gordon Ramsay: im ready to try ur shit mon ami
(1 dinner later)
Gordon Ramsay: this is the best shit ive ever eaten here take my apron i fna

 

Flight in my bu... [DISTRESS]
Passanger Controllant: You ugly as hell
[walking]
Broadcast: Attention fgts. people are ded. volunteer to kill moar peeps. kbai
Captain [Allahu] Ackbar: hi
^Sorry if offend u i stop.
Captain A-Wall: u kill people k.
Captain A-Wall: We only just jumped and now dere some bs happening
Captain A-Wall: der mum said his son michael should be banned from xbox
Captain A-Wall: Most of them will be in the place playing Wii-U
Captain A-Wall: Thank you for doing nothing. Kbai
[doing stuff]
Missing Child: Look at that shitbag over there!
Missing child: looks cool.
Missing child: mum wants me banned from xbox? WAIT NOOOOOOOO
[walking]
Captain A-wall: Gj
Captain A-Wall: Go get sum phucking slep
[walks and slep]
Captain A-Wall: wsah my m8s are ded
Captain A-wall: go slay some dat.... ya know just go
Captain A-Wall: we has problems
Captain A-Wall: go talk to corkus fgt
[walks]
Corkus guy/Engineer: hi i smart guy. fix this
corkus guy/engineer: you can reset. has code. go up above.
corkus guy/engineer: i tell you what to does, here papers.
[things]
corkus guy /engineer: thanks m8 u are awesum. u didn't have to 'elp us.
corkus guy / engineer: k.. kys. git some slep
[slepthenwakeup]
oshittroublelol
timetodonkeykongmywayover
Pir8 Cupton: wut are yew doing. we are number one.
[stuff]
a failure: i am bad
a failure: i has key mold
a failure: u exit, u make key, now u go cast its
a failure: kbai
timetokilldatbich
Captain A-wall: oh snap you are daank
captain A-wall: ty kbai u has dis guys for free
[stuff]
Calo: hi fgt i give u free rides foreverr lol. kbai.

 

Suspended Flowers?

Lecronea: hey boi! Idk where my dr- flowers are, so ima need u 2 go and get it becuz mail n shipments don't exist
Lecronea: I want u to go to a spoopy mystery valley and get it from my servant, cuz he can't do it for SCIENCE REASONS!
Lecronea: I need 4, so go
a shit ton of walking
Ash Studyum: oh u need flower? go to da cav, i need 2 do SCIENCE!
Ash Studyum: I'm working on weird puzzle shit over here, and it involves TIME
enter cave that devs decided to fill with monsters because there can't be a nonviolent quest anymore, aqquire flowers
Ash Studyum: oh hai, i solved the weird time puzzle shit in the minute you were gone
Ash Studyum: gimme the dru-Flowers, and i give you another flower i had all along, and tell u its "purified"
Ash Studyum: now go give it to da guy, and lemme do SCIENCE.
if you don't have a detlas scroll, you're fucked
Lecronea: hey boi you got the goods?
Lecronea: ok, here, take shinies and boots

 

"poorly"

 

Quests summed up badly:

Do random shit for people you hardly know

 

I'm sad I can only give you 1 like

 

Shattered Minds:
Likeru: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalp git stuff

*goes to totally not suspicious cave*

Dawm: Want some drugs kids?

*Goes to mushrooms*

Spoiler: next part

EVERYBODY IN THE CLUB GETTIN' TIPSY (everybody in the club gettin' tipsy) EVERYBODY IN THE CLUB GETTIN' TIPSY (everybody in the club gettin' tipsy) EVERYBODY IN THE CLUB GETTIN' TIPSY (everybody in the club gettin' tipsy) EVERYBODY IN THE CLUB GETTIN' TIPSY (everybody in the club gettin' tipsy)

Elder Berusia: Get out of my house.

A lot of xp
More emeralds than what I have
A decent chestplate

 

Shattered Minds:
*go meet Likeru in light forest*
*not a drug trip*
Likeru: i need a job done son.
Likeru: we need a delivry boi for shrooms.
Likeru: ye shrooms, you interested?
*k wynaut right? free shrooms*
*Find Dawm in random cave*
Dawm: shrooms for life.
Dawm: oh yeee.. SHROOMS
Dawm: i feel high af.
*find da totally not drug shrooms*
*Skipping junk*
*Find likeru in your high*
Likeru: go into da house :)
*Yahya lvl 9001*
Yahya: meanie get away! my shrooooms. mine!! all meienenwen!
*Punches*
*Dead*
Elder Berusia: oh thanks son... these shrooms.. oh yeeee highh.
*go back to likeru from weird druggie elves*
Likeru: take da money. shrooms were delivered.

Reward: no shrooms some money and xp for.. delivering drugs wut? do drugs wut?

________________________________

xD we both did shattered minds