Anti-jokes!

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because that alcoholic wasn't paying attention as always.

 

What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 black guys?
A family Friend playing a visit

 

Q:Why did the little boy drop his ice cream cone?

A:Cause he got hit by a truck

Q:Why was the little girl crying?

A:Cause her mom stapled a frog to her face

Q:What did the homeless Man get for Christmas?

A: Hypothermia

Q:How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb?

A:None they shoot it for being black

Hope you like these anti-jokes ;)

 

Okey I bring more.

What dirty thing did Harold want to do to the body?

Spoiler: Answer

Bury it.

What was the last thing Obama's grandfather said before he kicked the bucket?

Spoiler: Answer

"Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

Why isn't John F. Kennedy a good driver?

Spoiler: Answer

Because he's dead

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Spoiler: Answer

It really doesn't matter, because he won't come no matter what you call him

I've got 99 problems...

Spoiler: Answer

... And I'm going to see a therapist about them.

Why doesn't Jesus like fruitcake?

Spoiler: Answer

(oooh prepare for hate) Because he doesn't exist.

 

What do you call a man with no arms?
"Sir", he's been through enough without you teasing him

 

Why did the baby bird fall out of the tree?

Because someone shot a bullet in the air and the sound of the gun scared the baby bird who didn't know how to fly out of the tree, sending it to its death.

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart.

And the very next day, I died because no one can live without a heart.

What leaves a bigger hole in your heart than breaking up with your girlfriend?

A bullet.

 

I already said something like that, apparently nobody cares.

Especially Jesus, since he doesn't exist.

 

Why is the ??? quest in -BANNED FOR LEAKING-

 

I could never hurt animals too =P

 

what happens when you kill yourself?
you die.

 

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "why the long face?"
The horse says "..." nothing because its a horse, it ran out of the bar scared of its surroundings and later the bar was shut due to a failed health inspection

What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call it, it still wont come to you when you do

 

Whats the difference between a car and a pile of dead babies?

There isnt a car in my garage.


Why was the little boys party cancelled?

Because he was murdered that morning.

Spoiler: Rant

Jesus existed. Stop saying he didn't. He was alive, but it is just unknown if his powers (Raising the dead, water to wine, etc.) were real.
He was a real person.
That breathed.
Please stop saying he wasn't.

And yes it triggered me.

Spoiler

 

Yo, this is an anti-joke thread, everything is allowed, offensive or not.
I will add a trigger warning tho.

 

thanks


still though


jk im not i just wanted to use that gif again

 

Gifs r fun

 

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

An attack dog in a children's playground. (That was from my friend IRL)

 

I'm gonna revive this.

What do you call a black man in space?

An astronaut.

 

I feel like this counts as a dark joke, so:
Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack.

"How did that happen?" asks the first guy.

"Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot."

"Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."

 

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

________________________________

I don't know what's worse, the fact that the fridge man was cheating with the other guys wife, or the fact that he was hiding in a fridge.

 

What's worse then a dead baby?

Half a dead baby.



What's the difference between a dead baby and a turkey sandwich?

Ones a delicious snack, and the other's a turkey sandwich.



I have plenty of these.