Serious The Lies Of A Broken Soul. My Confession, My Truths, My Lies.

So... before I start... I just want to tell you all, that I care about you all, and I have lied to yo all in some ways, and I want you all to know that I did these lies because I wanted to make sure none of you needed to worry about me. Also, along with that, I just hope that you all can find the love and compassion to forgive me. I've been given so much love, and so many friends, and so much happiness on here. But something still digs at me, something keeps scratching away at my heart, my head keeps twitching with emotions that I can't even seem to process, but yet my body shows them all in a variety of colors, of which only a bee can see. My heart pounds as I type this. The spirits of my past come to haunt me, and after I'm done, you might just say to me "Who cares? We still love you as you are" but, you may even say "I hope you die in a fire" Both of which are appropriate responses in my eyes... for which I've deceived you all half way.

So, what it is that I lied about, the thing that has been eating at me for about half a year now. The thing that was the source of me easy to anger... well... I'll just let these skype pictures do the talking...

http://imgur.com/a/odSdY

I know that all of you are probably wondering what I mean... well... it's simple... I'm not truly actually bullied at school, nor am I made fun of that much... but... instead of other kids... it's myself, my own mind, at least it used to, and I know, people will tell me to "Get help" but, that's just it... Idk if I can get help from my own mind, it's something that just digs deep, and I don't know if I can ever actually control it... my mind is deadlocked, and I'm left here to rot, and maybe get my mind out there, talking to all of you... but everytime I talk to you, I spit out some made up shit, that I don't even truly mean to say. I hate lying to all of you, and honestly, I've been losing sleep, and not eating as much because I feel terrible about making you feel bad for me over stuff that wasn't even really true.

But, I guess it still doesn't change the fact that I myself bully myself... mentally. But I can feel the pain, almost as if it actually were physical... I'm sorry everyone... I understand if you all don't trust me, or whatever, or maybe I'm just overreacting, and I don't need to apologize... but... I needed to do this... for my mental health, and for my school grades...

People that were referred to in the messages:
@That_Mage (The one I was in a fight with)
@Sharubii
@Kalmer
@Waddle_Dee

Again... I'm sorry.

Hoke~

Ps... I still love you all as if you were family... I don't care if you're mad at me, or if you're not, I still love you all as family...

 

Sometimes you have to take the fact that being loved for lying about something, being cared about for it and have people talk to you about it is just kind of human nature.

Sometimes we want it to be us, because we're just us.

Don't get so worked up about it. I'll have you know that I have lied too. A lot.


You know, it really does suck to realize that you're the mastermind of your pain. Am I right?

 

I know, and I realize that... but it doesn't change my guilt over all of it. All of you are so honest with me, and all that... and I just feel like I don't deserve attention, and love, and care, and the friends I've gained through here because of it...

 

don't worry 'bout it (^-^)/
everybody lies at least once in their life, don't beat up yourself just for some lies you tell people so that they don't worry so much
no matter what, even if you kill somebody, i'll still trust you!
p.s. i talk on skype too much

 

This... Is most definitely not good. I have 0 idea of how to handle things like this, rendering me fairly useless to your problem at hand. However, this does not mean that I cannot still try to help. I would see if you can find anyone who specializes with things like this, like a psychiatrist (I think?).

In the meanwhile, just try your best to think positive. I know that it can be hard, but hang in there and don't give up. Think about it, there are so many things in lifebto enjoy, so don't let something in your head interfere. You should love yourself, and don't let anything get in the way of that positive thinking.

I know that I sound like a broken record, I mean just look at me. Trying to be a hero as always, which is sometimes good. Sometimes I don't like that, and hope that I could just type a normal "get well soon ", but thats not who I am. I really want you to know that we are here to help though, and that you are never alone. No matter what happens, I'm sure that anybody will help you, and I'm fairly confident in that. I for one am here to help. I have no idea how to deal with these situations, but I am always here to have a chat. If you feel troubled, just start a chat with me. I'm sure that I can try my best to make you feel better.

Cheers!- Robo

P.S: we all forgive you, so please don't worry yourself so much.

 

Also, please, no one like this post... I don't want people to see it as an attention whore thread, I want people to see the true meaning of the thread, the fact that I feel guilty, and I want to show my guilt, and show you I care about this, and all that.

 

You're a nice person to us.
And, still. Remember that we all lie all the time. Being guilty over it just worsens your problems.

 

But the guilt helps further my point in a way... I want people to know that what I did was wrong, and I know that. I want people to know that I will sacrifice my friends on here, just to come clean about all of this, so that I can be seen as more mature, and also, so that I can be seen as a person that will come clean if he lies.

 

Now that I look back, I must've misread this pretty bad. I do apologize for that. Hopefully you can still can still get something out of it though.

 

We all lie in our lives, I dont know anyone who didnt lie atleast once. You dont have to feel bad for lying.

 

Hello Dragon, Flubby here

Although I have only briefly gotten a glimpse as to what kind of person you are, I can say with confidence that the word "lying" is a healthy word.

Society seems to frown upon lying, when it is a form of self-expression. It does not matter if it is untrue, based on fact or fiction, or even if you are creating a fallacy for the sake of it.

It does not matter why.

What does matter is that you have recognized you for who you are. It doesn't matter if you see yourself as depressed or a lair, fake and ineffective, or even if you believe yourself to be the one true spiritual leader of the entire Buddhist religion.

Only you know you.

Only you know where you want to go.

J. J. Abrams didn't want Benedict Cumberbatch to be a space-fairing villain, Benedict Cumberbatch did. Rosa Parks didn't want Martin Luth King Junior in particular to break American racism, but he did.

These people all knew who they are and where. Each one cheated, fought, cursed and lied. But that doesn't make them bad.

Just because you needed something to get you to a better place doesn't make you bad.

Dragon, in the short time I have known you, and have genuinely grown to enjoy your company and regard you as a true, valued, and loved member of this community, I can say what I am about to say with full belief and other people backing my words.

You are what you are, and that makes you the best.

 

Hoke It's good that your sharing this to us so we have a better idea of what your going through. Anyways I'm not hurt by your lies, to be truthful I used to lie a lot when I was younger and still in school. At least you know that saying the truth is way better then living a lie. As for your depression problem I can only help you a little on that because I too suffer from depression though probably not as bad as you. One useful tip to help yourself from not beating yourself is to try to focus more on the positive experiences then the negative ones.

I hope your life improves young dragon ^.=.^

 

It's perfectly normal that you don't know how to deal with certain shitty situations in your life, and you end up making bad decisions.
(look at me, i made plenty of shit decicions, and i've lied an awful lot.)

It's good that you confessed your lies. Now have some yoghurt.

 

Thank you all for the nice words... and I just need to say to all the people who are like "He just wants attention" This is in no way an attention whore thread. It's a thread where I'm telling you the truth, so that you can all know the truth, because I care about you all, and I don't want to lie to you any more.

 

"Hoke~"?
In keyboard, 'H' is next to 'J'.
He is going to write "Joke~" but got mistake.

I mean this is.... WE TROLLED?

 

I wasn't joking with this. honestly, I wasn't.

 

I went through a similar situation where I bullied myself but I was also bullied by other people too. I don't get bullied anymore but the insults still haunts me repeating like a broken record. It keep bullying myself more and more as the words of the bullies echo through my head. It's hurting me and I see that I'm not the only one going through this. Thank you for making me not feel so lonely and unwanted. ❤

 

I realize that this thread just got necroed and I probably shouldn't post on it because of that

But I just want to say that you aren't the only one, and you're very courageous for confessing. Even though I don't know you that well, I know that you're a great person and you're an important part of the Wynncraft community.

We can't help but love you c;

*sniffle*

 

OMG! You're such an artist! You have such talent to be able to do that! :D

________________________________

I meant the note block song writing!

 

I may not know you, but with courage like that, you're family to me.