Lore/Story Wynncraft: What We Are

This is a short piece of writing I made today because I was bored. It reads awkwardly, but I feel it conveys a huge message.

A light shines before our eyes.
This light is of a new world.
All we can see is the inside of a wagon.
Nothing else.
But that doesn't mean there isn't anything else.
We exit.
There's the driver.
He tells us to follow the path.
He gives us compensation.
We take it without saying thank you.
People along the road tell us about our future.
But we don't listen.
We keep walking.
Someone said that there's a crazy man in that cave.
We kill it.
No remorse.
We just keep going.
We never listen.
We don't stop.
We do what we want.
Someone told us to push a tree down to cross a ravine.
We do it without a second thought.
We’re told that slaughtering animals give us money.
We do it over their helpless screams, deafened by greed.
We use that money to buy protection for ourselves, and only ourselves.
We fear death.
Undead roam the cave ahead.
We kill them all.
They might be evil.
But we’re far worse.
We are aware of our misdeeds.
They do it without a grain of intelligence or awareness.
We never thank the guards who fend off the last lot of undead.
We just walk through.
The king tells us our mission.
We follow it.
Not because of selflessness.
Because of selfishness.
We banish the undead so that we become stronger.
Not to save lives.
We help citizens for strength and money.
Not to save lives.
We raid dungeons for profit and fun.
Not to save lives.
We keep going, feeling as though we have done good.
We have not.
We have committed evil.
We aid criminals.
We leave people to die.
We murder on request.
We murder for money.
We murder for power.
We murder for fun.
And we never stop twice to think about it.
Wake up from this dream, and enter the nightmare.
Dreams provoke carelessness and dwelling on thoughts that never come.
Nightmares tell the truth.
We follow dreams for our own happiness.
We don't do it for good.
Nightmares provoke thought, and consciousness.
Nightmares show us what we have done.
Nightmares tell us that we need to change.
And we need to change.
We’re in a world full of corruption and terror.
And we explore it for self-gain.
Nothing else.
Are we any better than the zombies and ghouls and orcs and trolls that we banish by the day?
Are we any smarter?
Are we really humans?
Or are we manifestations of darkness and greed?
One might say, 'especially the latter.'
Because that is what we are.

 

i dont want to ruin the moment, but im too lazy to read this .-. i rather read a 40 chapter book, because its interesting, this isnt, well to me anyways, to some other people it is.

 

#WynncraftPlayStyle

All jokes aside. The wording is quite awkward. I can really see the theme your getting at, it just seems constrained by the words. Try giving this rhythm and flow. I don't mean anything as limiting as iambic pentameter or something. Just try and make it roll off the tongue better.

It's a very good piece actually! Just needs some edits. After all, no famous writer publishes their 20th draft. (often not even their 30th)

 

It seems really edgey tbh.

 

Great job! Here's some deconstructive feedback:

1) Rather than one line after the other all the time, put two parts on the same line (unless it's super dramatic like at the end)

Spoiler: Example

We raid dungeons for profit and fun.
Not to save lives.

becomes...

We raid dungeons for profit and fun, not to save lives.

It saves lots of scrolling and walls of text (which puts people like SkySez off from reading it)

2) Take out unnecessary parts. Leave out repetitive parts or parts that mean basically the same thing

3) Instead of jumping straight from one idea to the next (e.g. Murder to Nightmares), make them separate paragraphs. It really helps.

I'd add more but I'm too lazy.

Again, great job!

 

nice dude wow