What's The Weirdest Thing You Heard At School?

LOOOL

 

Weirdest Insult I heard:

"Lick my ******" - A Boy

 

This is a story that spanned 3 teachers and 3 classes.

Spoiler: Class one

Class one: Physics
Intercom: attention students and teachers, the school is now in lockdown. Please follow lockdown procedure immediately.

Teacher: Haha there are thousands of kids at this school and we're on the third floor. Any normal school shooter would run out of ammo on the first so we're safe. We do have to follow procedure so please hide to the left of the door.

*class hides out of sight from the door*
Teacher proceeds to get a huge katana from under his desk and stands holding this huge f*cking sword to the right of the locked door so anyone who broke through that door was loosing some limbs, their head or both. Katana for reference:


The lockdown is cleared and turns out it was just a drill. The teacher puts away this sword and continues class normally (normal for us)

Spoiler: Class two

Class two: English
Some kids were talking to the teacher about how some teachers were opening their doors to kids midway through the lockdown drill so he proceeded to spend the whole class ranting about what to do and what not to do during a lockdown.

Teacher: There are many things teachers shouldn't do but I heard some jackass in the science department puts textbooks in his shirt as bullet proof armor and stands by the door with a sword waiting for the gunman to enter. I used to teach genocide and we learned from the British / Zulu conflict, guns beat swords. (Kids in our class proceed to laugh and say the science teachers name)

Spoiler: Class three

Class three: Computers
My friend is sitting beside me looking on the Internet as to where he can buy practice swords. My teacher sneaks behind him. I try to let him on by asking how his work is going. He responds by saying he hasn't even started and he is wasting his time.

Teacher: Oh really, did you know you can bring practice swords to school? One of the teachers has one.

Me: Can you tell me why the teacher has a practise sword?

Teacher: Sure. Every summer, he takes a trip on his boat to some place in the world. He got worried about pirates so he thought he should get an automatic rifle or rocket launcher but turns out it's a pain in the ass to get those through customs anywhere but the US, so he decided to settle on a sword. He wanted to bring it to his class but management didn't want him to bring a real one so he settled on an unsharpened one.

I now know the story behind an item only rumoured to exist at our school.

 

honey comes from pigs

 

"China is in Europe, I know it better than you because even my dad says im right!" - A very stupid person.

"I've learned way more about math and writing by my mom and dad than I have by going to school for 9 years!" - The same person as above

"The only reason you got a higher grade than me is because our teacher like you and he hates me!!" - The same stupid person as above

 

At the end of the day, me and 2 other friends were standing by he board, and one of them was writing down the homework.
Friend 1: how do you write so nice?
Friend 2: because I'm Asian
Me: I'm Asian
-I start writing on the board
Friend 1: What the heck. You can do it too.
Me: because I'm Asian
Friend 1: *starts fake crying* I wish I was Asian
Me: aren't you part Filipinno?

________________________________

Me and another friend were walking throwing a foot ball. We see 2 of our friends and the friend I was walking with throws the football at one of the other 2 friends, while the other one throws the basketball at the same person.

The friend I was walking with: he plays multiple sports, but failed to catch both balls.
Me: the meaning of multiple sports. Playing soccer with a bowling ball.
Friend: multiple sports is playing golf with a basketball and a hockey stick
Me: multiple sports is when you fence with a golf club.

An it continues for maybe 5 minutes XD

 

The weirdest thing i heard in my school is actually my teacher's voice :))

 

I go a Catholic School too. (So many weird things going on...)

 

What do you play? I'm a 1st violin

 

Viola.

 

Ah. Only five of them at my school.

 

Yeah, always tons of violins :/

 

Yup. I blame kids picking it because it's the only one they know of.

 

Me: You know, I think G-Mod is a great game.
Child: NO! CALL OF DUTY BEST GAME ON EART!
I'm not going to correct my grammar because that is how he said it.

 

KILL HIM.

 

Ur lame-friend of mine

 

He was obviously talking about ghosts

 

"What's precipitation?"-Classmate
She said that in Science class...it's 6th Honors

On the bus, a guy stole someone's shoe and someone else's lunchbox.

One of my classmates literally have a 0 in a class. Some of them have a 10, 17, etc. They are in 7th grade Honors

 

"You fuck that girl didn't you"


High school...

 

I don't hear a lot of the stuff that goes around in my school, but today one of my friends told me a funny story. She said that during lunch my kinda-friend Nick said "Isn't Cenpyla like really innocent?" The entire lunch table just laughed.

He obviously doesn't know me very well. :')