Omegar(remade/fixed)

@temmie like your unnecessary font? Non of these comments are just trying to be rude. Its trying to help him improve the story & his writing skills. No one is trying to be rude. Except for the whole font thing I just said...

 

@temmie Also you have an odd idea of what "Constructive Critisism" is. Its not saying "oml 10/10 lets pay him. you need to become a pro writer". Its writing critisism that can help him. For instance, telling him to double space something or try to add more dramatic detail.

 

I was merely giving suggestions, some others though just insult him and claim it is "Constructive Critisism"

This thread is a nice base for something else, maybe a quest? Bits and chunks could be a description of Dern when the time comes.

 

@temmie, @The One-eyed Guy and @Memory left constructive criticism. I literally looked all there comments and its CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISISM. Also why the hell do you use that font its just hard to read and makes you look like all you want is attention.

 

I like the font, as it separates me from my full temmie version. Also, I meant on the OP's other thread about Omegar.

 

@temmie alright, but could you at least please change it to something more readable?

 

I'll still use it....but use this a bit more often.

 

Could we please stop quarreling? I am invested in this thread and don't want to see it locked.

 

True

 

I've also got some constructive criticism, so here I go:

• Not much information is given about Omegar. It doesn't really have a theme, and the terrain isn't mentioned at all.
• Your lore contains a lot of things we don't understand, like 'eons', 'Age of Light/Dark', and 'Omegar'.
• A lot of information is given in a short period of time. I am not really in favor of this, but maybe that's just me.
• The ending seems pretty weird, because if the disease will never go away, we're left with a province filled with sick and dead people, and that's not really that interesting.
• The first letter of the story isn't capitalized.

Also, can we not have a flame war for once? This story isn't the greatest I've ever read, and that's why we should give him constructive criticism, not a locked thread.

 

I think it would be cool if you made it so that one point how people find out about Omegar. For instance, the people of Wynn are impatient humans meaning they are bound to get anxious and curious. So maybe the wall is never visited until one brave adventurer from Wynn decided to see whats going on. As he started to approach the city (depending on the terrain) it could be changed to the swamp biome where water/dirt&grass is darker and possibly poisonous. Theres a large wall as you stated to keep people out, but by now there are large vines covering it, almost concealing it completely. He starts to climb it. As he approaches the top he is cautious about possible enemies or guards. After being skeptical and stealthy for a while, he hasn't seen anyone, or any sign of life besides the terra. He searches the towns then comes to the conclusion that no one is there, they all disappeared. No bones, no nothing. Things are upturned as if the people living there were in a hurry or even left by force. Everything is damaged. He then returns to Ragni to consult the king. The King consults Fruma. Fruma then create a search party of the bravest best trained people in the Province. And I guess you can decide from there. Kinda got carried away O.o...

 

I will keep that suggestion in mind

________________________________

As years pass, the only knowledge of Omegar was kept in a grand library in Gavel. The library contained mystic artifacts such as weaponry, armor and statues. The books contain information of what Omegar was like: "the hills were made from the mystic kind of grass podzol". The books also tell of more of the creatures that live in Omegar
-wyverns(Omegar's Dragons)
-neo pigs(kept secret by royalty for various reasons)
-zekons(hostile demons of darkness)
-Ekets(banshee-like creatures)

There was also knowledge of Omegar's location and borders. The borders were made from the purest of steel and iron. As many know Wynn lead into Gavel, so possibly Gavel could lead into Dern which could lead into Fruma. Omegar was said to be located near Fruma, but there was no evidence to support this claim. The province was also called "land of the middle ground".





I know this one wasn't great or perfect, when I make the next one, It will hopefully be better.

 

Hmmm seems ok....

 

I will in the next thing of Omegar I create tell of the evil in Omegar. Gavel has decay. Wynn has corruption. Dern has? Fruma has?

 

@Kpar Dern is pure corruption :D Thats where the corruption is coming from. That or the nether. Fruma... no idea.

 

Omegar is basically a province of purity and is constantly at war with TAINT