What's The Weirdest Thing You Heard At School?

great, woke up my mom from laughing my ass off.

 

"What? Isn't the moon bigger than Earth?" or something like that. I died a little.

 

Why are you a lesbian (My friend) PS im not a lesbian :p

 

This one is really weird, but happened in real life in my classroom.
We had one really weird guy in class who did nothing during classes, he rarely came to school (he was about to get kicked from school) etc. He had an exam other day than us others because he wasn't in school the day when we had that exam. One hour before he had to do exam, he called police and said that there is a bomb in the toilet. 10 minutes after, police arrived with 3 vans and 2 pyro technicians and they evacuated whole school. When they found out there is no bomb in the toilet, he told them that he is the one who made fake call. They have taken him with them to the police station and called his parents to go pick him up. Next day he was kicked from the school
At least we hadn't class the rest of the day.

Spoiler: P.S.

Sorry for my english, it's not my native. :)

 

" The teacher is crazy."
-my teacher talking about her in third-person...

 

In our physics class question:

Teacher: Make a freed from body... uh, I mean free body diagram to answer the question.
Kid: Mr ------, don't we have to account for friction?
Teacher: Don't worry, there is so much blood and gore on the pavement, the head will slide around without any problem.
Kid: Why are the kids not afraid of all the blood?
Teacher: *Laughs* They are like two years old, they aren't afraid of blood yet!

The class is amazing and filled with political incorrectness but it is very interactive and you are almost always paying attention, even if it is to catch the joke about the whole class being hit by a bus. We learn more so it's for the better.

 

My music teacher swears.

 

Ya F***ing F*** F***! - Some guy I don't know.

 

In the 7th grade, some guy strait up pinched my butt and said "Hehe! I pinched his butt!" I now have a deep fear of him.

 

Someone DID set off fireworks in my shcool xD.

 

"Hah, I'm better than you in basketball!" - That's what my rival said in school to me (I actually don't play basketball, but I could be better than him...) but during a sports tournament in my school. My friend told me he didn't do anything (said rival)

 

One of the subs my teachers get from time to time really likes to talk about his life...

Sub: Guess what I had for dessert tonight? *no one speaks* Ice cream! That's right! I went to Walmart and got one of those gallon containers and I just... Ate it all you know? Has anyone else had ice cream before? *People raise their hands* You, young lady. Describe your ice cream for us.

Girl: ...It was cold and vanilla.

Sub: Very good! I do believe I had some bread as well. It was imported from Germany...!

The sub goes on and on talking about his food and making motivational speeches for like the whole hour. One of his speeches

Sub: You know, when I look at you I don't see just a man or a woman. I see the future. You are the future. You may not know it yet, but you could be the next Obama, or the next Trump. You've just got to believe you can do it, and anything is within your reach. Believe you can be Obama. Believe. Believe is a wonderful word and it can get you anywhere. Just believe it can.

*people actually start clapping*

 

Well here is my everyday school life
Student: Mr.------- can I go to the washroom.
Teacher:No.
Student:But I really need to go!!!
Teacher:Too bad.
Me: Mr------ can I go to the washroom?
Teacher:sure
The Other Student: WHAT!! YOU LET HIM GO BUT NOT ME??? WHY!!!
Teacher: Your not (my name)
Me: Trololololololol. :)

________________________________

Also. One kid in my class asked if I was juicy
Weird kid: Are you juicy?
Me: Wtf u perv

 

"You could be the next Obama, or the next Trump."
So one of your teachers inspired us to be a stupid, offensive, racist rich guy running for president of the USA. I think I have an idea who that teacher of yours is...

 

"I am SWAT I WILL KILL YOU"

 

Single comments:

• "Mohammed looks like a Ninja."
• "I wanna see the feet."
• "What if diamonds were made of gold..."
• "What if I had a misconception of a misconception that was surely a misconception that a misconception would have a misconception about a misconception about misconceptions?"
• "Head and shoulders knees and toes WHAT ARE THOSE?"
• "Donald Trump should be condemned and should rot in hell until his soul is fully crushed and dead."
• "I wanna smell your hair."
• "Shrek is love, Shrek is life."
• "Shrek will come into your house when you are sleeping and force-feed you shrekijuana (shrek marijuana)."
• "One kilometers is the same length as thousand miles."
• "Stop touching boys!"
• "You're so moist."
• "You're gay."
• "Go Hitler!"

Dialogues:
"Why did this happen?" -Person A
"Why not?" -Person B
"Because your mom." -Person A

"What are those?" -Person A
"You. You in the future." -Person B

"What the? Who the heck is that?" -Person A
"Your mom." -Person B
"Or is it?" -Person A
"It's you in the future." -Person B

"You." -Person A
"The man of the hour has arrived. It's me!" -Person A
"Or has he?" -Person B
"Yes, he has." -Person A
"Or has he?" -Person B
"I already told you yes." -Person A
"Or did you?" -Person B
"Yes." -Person A
"Or did you?" -Person B
"Or did you?" -Person C
"Yeah, or did you?" -Person D
"Or did you?" -Person E
"Fine." -Person A
"[mutters to person C] Weirdest guy in school..." -Person B

 

Instead of being absoloute shits by saying what are those in my class, people say "May I kindly ask what footwear you are wearing?"

Also, just this morning, my teacher told the class a story of how a kid from the other grade was waiting for his school bus, when three kids walked over to him and said "Hahahahah nice yellow-striped car!" And the guy said "I may ride in a school bus, but at least I'm smart enough to know that school buses have black stripes!"

 

I had just finished showing several diagrams of the human skull, and describing the major openings and what passes through them (nerves, blood vessels, etc.).
Student: "Mr. Ronickah, if we have holes in our head, how comes our brains don't just fall out?"
Me: "Well, for most of us, our brains are a soft tissue mass, not a fluid, like water."

I needed two nickel coins for a demonstration. I had seven pennies and a nickel. I asked the class "Does anyone have a nickel?"
Ex-student: "I gotcha covered, dude." He proceeds to take a small bag of grass out of his backpack.


Every assignment, for the past seven days, is always posted on the back-of-the-room whiteboards. Always. It's where I start every class, reminding every class of yesterday's work, and any short-term or long-term assignments.
Student A: "Mr. Ronickah, can I get a copy of yesterday's assignment. I wasn't here."
Student B: "Where have you been the rest of the year?"

 

What‽‽‽

 

u people have quite a interesting life