Lore/Story Lost In The Woods (preview)

WARNING: THIS IS A PREVIEW SO DON'T SCREAM IN MY FACE PLS. THANK YOU. Plus this is Chapter One, Enjoy my friends ;) . - Ying Fu [Priority Four]

Dallman

A Blur Covers My Eyes. I look around. Blood Everywhere! I see him don't. His Eyes, So Pitch Black and Hollow. His Red And White Skin is sinking into his bones. He raises an eye. Hideous looking eye. The
Tentacles so large. His laugh is so oblivious, angry. I can't take it anymore. Help.....


I wake up. What a dream. Wasn't a good one. Where am I? A black forest near Elkurn I guess. Dead Trees Lay across the side and fungi grows on it as well. An Orange, Smooth, Fresh looking mushroom lays on one of them. The Iyjcu (EE-Ca-Geu), a rare type of mushroom. It heals and your soul points reach to 2 more when it comes in contact with you. Sadly most of them were broken down to medicine, not better than the fungi itself. I force myself up, looking around in this dense forest. The vegetation is so thick that my boots are wet half way. Steel and leather, such a good combination with such moisture. My Father is a good shoemaker back in my days. Now I don't know where I am. I need to find civilization as quick as possible. Out of nowhere, a hand snatches my boot. A hole not to close to where I am heading stays in front of me. A creature with...No it can't be. Red Eyes shaded with a tint of black looks at me. It's head matted and clothes torn. Skin so moist and dry at the same time. I am speechless. Soon the head dies down as I look up and the truth was revealed. Villagers and citizens 0f Elkurn have the same symptoms as the dead body. All lifeless but with red eyes and a tint of black. A disease. Not any other disease. A disease that was cursed years ago. Corrupted Fever, the worst fever that happened in our history is returning quickly, and it's coming for us. And it will be too late for us too react.


TO BE CONTINUED...

 

Bruh

 

"Hideous Looking Eye"

Reference: The Tell Tale Heart

 

Ooooh interesting, this has promise. Can I reccomend something? Your sentence structure is all very similar, just descriptive and stating what the character sees. Maybe include more of the character's thoughts. For example, instead of saying "Red Eyes shaded with a tint of black looks at me." (very similar to your other sentences) say something like "I jerked back in revulsion as I recognized the all too familiar eyes... Red with a tint of black, an ominous sign."

Teach him Senpai @Kylo Ren

But I do like your plot

 

Senpai has been summoned.
In terms of plot & detail, I like where you're going. It's packed with large describing words, and it fits well (sorta) into the Wynncraft gameplay. A large flaw in the writing however, is that your sentences are short, like bullet points. It's important to add in verbal differences while making a story, so that every part stands out - and yet, fits in at the same time, if you know what I mean. So, most important thing to do would be to lengthen out your sentences, and give it a more vibrant approach :D

 

I'll work on that! :)

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I make the sentence short too make it shocking

 

I can see what you mean by shocking, but as Kylo Ren/toxicdrule said, it is a bit too short and just looks unpolished

 

that's how books do it but fine, I guess I could do a better job on that.